Questions. They are at the heart of any vibrant discipling relationship. A good question will move someone beyond simple information gathering to life change.

Jesus spent much of his teaching in question mode. When he finished the story that we call “The Good Samaritan” he asked “Who do you think the neighbour was?” When the disciples were with him on a boat during a storm Jesus asked “Why are you afraid?” The Pharisees challenged him about picking grain on the Sabbath, and Jesus asked them “If you had one sheep, and it fell into a well on the Sabbath, wouldn’t you get to work and pull it out?” At one point, alone with his disciples, Jesus asked, “Who do people say that the Son of Man is?” and then, “Who do you say I am?”

Over the years I have experimented with a number of questions to help those I am leading to get to the point to life change. I want questions that will get them thinking deeply, at times I want to “throw them off balance”, ask them something they aren’t expecting.  And although many questions will be topic specific, there are some that I’ve found work in many situations.

One that I’ve used often and continue to use is this: “If you really believed this, how would you live differently?” In asking this question, I like to emphasize the “really” word; saying it only once may not have the desired effect. This question has a tendency to move people away from theoretical abstraction to on the ground, in your face, reality.

Take for example a conversation about sin. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23. “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 6:23. “We all like sheep have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way.” Isaiah 53:6. “Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.” Psalm 51:5.

Many of the guys I’ve met with, if they were honest, actually think that they are okay. Sure they’ve done some bad things, but compared to others, they’re pretty good.

There may be points in time in our lives that we “feel” sinful, yet more often than not, we don’t. So, if I really, really, really, believed these verses, that I am a sinner, that I do “fall short” of God’s glory, how would I live differently? How would my desire to serve God change? How would I treat others, knowing that none of us makes the grade?

In addition, I love to ask guys how they would parent differently. Do they see their children as “sinful from birth?” To be honest, most people truly think that their kids are born good, and that somehow “society” makes them bad. Yet if I truly believed these verses, it changes everything. I am having to mold my kids from a standpoint of “born a sinner” versus a “protect them from other sinners in society” standpoint. Some guys don’t want to hear that.

A well spoken question changes the conversation. Learn the power of the question. Develop your own arsenal. And watch the life change take place.

Prayer is an interesting discipline. I use the word discipline intentionally here because for many people it isn’t a discipline at all; it is a life jacket or perhaps a bubble gum machine. It is a life jacket since it is only used when desperation sets in, we are drowning and we need God to save us. It is a bubble gum machine since we come to God with our to-do list that we want him to complete; we put in our quarter and expect the gum ball answers to come out.

Take some time to listen to people’s prayers, or perhaps your own. What do you hear? As I’ve examined people’s prayers over time and evaluated mine, I’ve noticed that they are quite selfish. God give me this, God I need that, God help me accomplish stuff. We don’t use those words per se, but at the heart of it our prayers are all about us. And if we don’t get it, we give up and wonder where God is.

In the call to make disciples, one of the disciplines we need to instill in those we are working with is a proper understanding of prayer. First and foremost however, is our call to pray for those we lead. What we do and what we truly believe will always leak out. How you pray or don’t pray, will be revealed.

In his book, Shaped by the Word, Robert Mulholland Jr makes the following statement about disciplines: “Let me give you a litmus test to determine if you are engaging in a spiritual discipline. Are you willing to offer something to God as a discipline and to keep offering it day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year – to continue offering it for God to use in whatever way God wants in your life and have God do absolutely nothing with it? If you are, then you are engaging in a spiritual discipline that will cut to the heart of all of those debilitating dynamics of our culture and the false self it generates that tend to misshape our formation.”

As one who is leading someone else on the journey of discipleship, you need to be on your knees in prayer for them. You must passionately call out to God on their behalf, for their growth and development, for their relationships, for the scriptures to come alive for them, for them to “deny themselves, take up their cross daily and follow.” You must pray consistently, week after week, month after month whether you see any growth or not. You must pray. The results are not your concern, only the action of prayer for them. As you do this, you will find yourself loving them more, wanting them to grow more, caring for them more.

Do not stop engaging in the discipline of prayer. It is of utmost importance.