Madison’s Question to Matthew: Talk to my generation. With our limited experience, and pressures to live up to a certain standard, what would your advice be to help us work in our strengths and discover our God-given potential?

I can personally remember being in my late teens and early twenties. There was this desire as a young Christian to know “what is God’s plan for my life”. All of my youth group friends were asking this in a very meaningful way as far as I could tell. And yet, if we were honest and could articulate this question better, we were actually asking God to reveal to us what our entire life would look like, and more importantly, that it would reveal that we would be successful, whatever that definition was for each of us.

I have read many articles in the past couple of years that indicate that the younger generation wants to change the world, that they truly to want to make a difference. This is an exciting thing to ponder and the articles celebrate this. And yet I contrast that with the other research I have read that says that they want to make a difference in the next two minutes, perhaps donating $10 through a text and then moving on to the next thing. There is frustration when things don’t change quickly. Additionally, some recent research from the Barna Group indicates that those aged 20 and under have a primary concern with career, that this is their entire focus. And, for the first time the family is no longer a primary value for this generation, career is. To “get ahead” in life as quickly as you can.

The “pressure to live up to a certain standard” is also an interesting aspect of the question. What is this standard? Who is giving it to you? With so much information now available to us and with social media feeding us with constant insight into people’s lives (the lives they want us to see, not their actual lives), is it any wonder that even trying to understand what the “standard” should be is confusing.

In their book, Deep Mentoring, Reese and Loane reference some great research from Robert Clinton regarding the phases that he discovered key Christian leaders who finished well went through. Phase one was Foundations (up to mid 20’s). Phase two was Preparation (up to 40-50 years old). Phase three was Contribution (notice that this doesn’t start until at least 45). And finally, phase four is multiplication. If this research is true, and as someone who is in his early 50’s I am believing it to be, then God is more concerned about developing your character and skill during these young adult years than what you will actually contribute, even though you will contribute.

So, what is my advice:

1) Relax and simply engage with what is in front of you.

You may accomplish amazing things in these years, you may not. You may be “in the zone” of who you are, you may not. You may settle into one thing for the next 20 years, you may not. Stop worrying about these things. Be faithful with today, with this week. Be fully present in who is with you – love them and allow them to love you.

2) Get to know God.

Spiritual disciplines, or rhythms (whatever word suits you best) are so critical to establish as a young adult. You have as much flexibility in life as you may ever have. If you don’t establish them now you may never have the capacity to build them into your life. Getting to know God will be accomplished in many ways through these. The key here will be to experiment with as wide a breadth of disciplines as you can. Sure, engaging scripture is one, but there are many ways to engage scripture. Prayer is another, but there are many ways to participate in prayer. Solitude and reflection are seldom embraced from what I can see yet to critical in a culture that never seems to slow down. The discipline of giving financially, not because you have extra, but because of obedience to live a life of generosity. The discipline of simplicity, fasting, worship and confession. All of these will bring you to a deeper understanding of who God is and what a relationship with him is all about.

3) Get to know yourself.

I believe Plato said, “An unexamined life is not worth living.” How has God designed you? Do you continue to simply go along with everyone around you, or do you understand the uniqueness of you?

I recall a conversation I had with an person as I took her through the Myers-Briggs assessment. As we talked through being an extravert versus an introvert, she looked at me with an expression of amazement and disdain. “So I am allowed to be an extravert?” she asked? I was confused and simply said that you are who you are, just live in it. She shared with me that she just realized that she grew up with parents who were both introverts and as a result they had led their family in such a way. All she knew was the introverted life and wondered why she was often tired. In that conversation she discovered who she was, how she had been created and was able to move ahead with a new found energy for life.

As someone in their 20’s, you really don’t know who you are, and that’s okay. These are the “preparation” years for you to discover all of this. What activities energize you? What unique experiences are yours that have shaped your thinking? What skills do you have? What interests you, or, to put it another way, if you were standing in front of a magazine rack, what magazine would you want to pick up and peruse? Don’t think you have to have it all figured out. The journey is the destination, so enjoy the journey.

Is there a standard to live up to? Of course. As much as you are able to discern, God has a standard set out in scripture. Live up to what you know.

But do you need to have life figured out? Please no. Your life is going to take some very interesting twists and turns. If you will allow God to speak into those times you will be fine.

In the meantime, be present today, get to know God, and get to know yourself. Enjoy the journey.

For the kingdom.

Matthew’s Question to Madison: How has praying changed for you the past 2 years?

“In meditation we should not look for a ‘method’ or a ‘system’, but cultivate an ‘attitude’ or an ‘outlook’” (Thomas Merton)

Prayer is something that has never come naturally to me, but it’s something the Church puts an emphasis on, so I’ve always known that there was an importance to it – I just didn’t know why. I tried different formulas – for example, P.R.A.Y, or J.O.Y, or praying through the Lord’s Prayer. I’d start out strong with a method, and then after a week or two it would become boring, and I’d be back to square one. And then I’d get frustrated that I was never praying the right way, so I often opted to not ever pray – why do something you know you’re going to fail at anyway?

I became so focused on the ‘how’ of prayer, and forget about the ‘why’.

Over the last while, I’ve focused less on the how and less on the structured time of prayer, and more on the all-day communication. I’m in no way downplaying structured time of prayer – some of those times are when I’m most reflective and thankful towards my Heavenly Father. BUT, for me, I can get so caught up in the routine and carving out a specific time for things (though important), that it becomes a strict start and end time.

The ‘why’ of prayer boils down to relationship.

I think of the people in my life that I have relationships with. There’s intentional time to go for walks and coffee dates, that’s for sure. Then there are spontaneous texts throughout the days, and phone calls to catch up, or simple notes of encouragement, or reminding each other of funny moments that have brought us closer.

Relationships are so often not logical, and so not systematic. And I like it that way.

So why try to create a logical relationship with the One who created me? There’s definitely no logic in that!

My prayer life has now expanded to car rides, and walks, and sitting in the office, and before meetings, and in meetings, and on and on. I find it too difficult to remind myself of all the things I want to pray for during my daily devotional time, so I just pray about it right then and there – especially when someone asks me to pray for them.

Now, it may sound like I have this whole ‘praying without ceasing’ down perfectly. That is false! I’m still learning. The other day, I realized I had made a big decision about something before praying about it. I was in the resource room at work, and as I was cutting paper, I immediately repented.

So in no way is it perfectly natural yet. But I have found that having the freedom to communicate with my Heavenly Father all day, and not just during a structured time, has changed everything. I feel more in tune with God and connected to Him throughout the entire day.

Let’s tie it back to earthly relationships again. I find conversations with people most productive and meaningful when we have life stories to talk about together. Imagine sitting with someone at a coffee shop, having done nothing previously – you’d have nothing to talk about. I feel closest to God, and like we have more productive and meaningful conversations as life unfolds – there’s so much to talk about!

As Thomas Merton said, “Meditation has no point unless it’s rooted in life.”

In closing, I’d like to share a few phrases that I’ve found myself continually praying through.

1.“Give me eyes to see what You see”

I like starting off my day asking God to give me His eyes. I want to know how He sees people; how He views situations; how He would interpret actions. My eyes are so faulty. For example, I’m prone to seeing people for their weaknesses, and I know how damaging that can be – for my own perspective, but also in how I treat them. I want to be able to have an eye transplant and see people for who God says they are, not who I think they are.

2.“Be my guide”

There have been days where I would pray that God would be my guide, and He would take me places I never thought possible. It sounds profound, but it could be as simple as running into someone I know at the store or having a friend randomly call me up to go out for coffee, or having a stellar interaction with a child at one of the programs I run. I never want to miss out on an opportunity for a conversation or having some good ole quality time with someone, so I love when God guides people together.

The other way to take this one is to ask God to be the guide through specific situations where I know I can’t deal with it on my own strength and knowledge. And then I just trust that He will guide my thoughts and actions so that they will line up with what He wants.

3. Psalm 23:5

This has become my verse for this year, and it says, “You prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.” I’m pretty good at catching myself in moments of weakness of looking at the enemies around my table. I immediately think back to this verse and pray through it – and thank God for the freedom I have from sitting at His table.

These are a few things I’ve learned over the last two years in regards to prayer – and it’s a topic I hope to never stop learning in since there is so much to learn about the One we pray to.