Matthew’s Question to Madison: How have your grandparents impacted your life?

I’ve been reading a book called “Switch on Your Brain: The Key to Peak Happiness, Thinking, and Health”. In one of the chapters, Dr Caroline Leaf, the author, states, “Science has demonstrated how the thought networks pass through the sperm and the ova via DNA to the next four generations”. The next FOUR generations! That means that how I think, which impacts how I act, will influence my great grandchildren. What a responsibility! That also means that the way I think and act today is influenced by the way my great grandparents thought and acted.

Now, this can be both positive and negative. Sometimes the legacies of our ancestors are not so great, and we can feel stuck in that loop. Thankfully, God has designed our brains in such a way that we can have the power to change those negative ways of thinking and acting.

But as I think about my own life, I am abundantly thankful for grandparents that have lived a legacy where the fruit of it is seen in their kids and grandkids (and now there are little great grandkids). Though I never met any of my great grandparents, I can know they lived faithful and life-giving lives by the way my grandparents live.

I have a great appreciation for all four of my grandparents. I’m realizing that to have had all four grandparents being involved in my life (and my cousins lives) is rare. All four of them are still here on earth, and though I don’t live in the same city as any of them, I see them quite often because of the initiative to be present in each other’s lives.

So what makes them so special? Please enjoy this open letter to my grandparents:

 

Dear Grandma, Grandpa, Grams, and Papa,

Just in case I don’t tell you enough, I appreciate and love you all! The way you all live your lives is astounding, and I’m am a gushing and grateful granddaughter. I have learned a lot from growing up in your homes and in your family.

Thank you for continuously and steadily living out your faith. I have images ingrained in my mind of waking up and seeing Grams on the ‘chesterfield’ reading her Bible; of hearing Papa talk about his guy’s groups that he leads and what he’s learning from the study; of Grandma talking about their life group from church; and of Grandpa always having a pulse on their church because he deeply loves God’s Church. Because of your deep loves for the Lord, all of your grandkids also love the Lord – what a legacy!

Thank you for your marriages. My heart warms when Grandma giddily tells me that Grandpa called her beautiful the other day! The fact that your marriages are strong, and your love is deep, sets up my own expectations for marriage – I can only dream of being that in love after decades of marriage. Thank you for telling me that you pray for my future marriage. For me, that means that you cherish your marriages in such a profound way that you want me to experience what you’ve experienced. What a beautiful thing for me to witness.

Thank you for how you parent and grandparent. Your whole families ADORE each of you. You are intentional with each of us, and it is so obvious that you love us back by the way you talk and act. You provide a feeling of home, complete with delicious food (recipes and traditions I hope to carry on). I cherish your hugs, listening ears, and words of encouragement (including all the grandkids being told they’re perfect – because that’s what doting grandparents say). I always feel supported, and I like that I have four extra cheerleaders – that is such a special feeling for me.

Thank you for modeling being involved. None of you sit back as passive participants. Papa, it seems like you know everyone, and everyone loves you. It’s admirable that you still do life on life with guys today, investing time and energy into them. Grams, I love that you started tutoring even though you’re retired from teaching. You didn’t put your gifts on the shelf to get dusty, but you’re using it to empower the next generation. Grandpa, you still do tours, and are well known at your church. You have taught me humble generosity, and faithful obedience. Grandma, you are often called the glue to our family – our family relationships would not be where they are without you. Your intentionality with your family extends further to others, and we still laugh at the number of parties you go to because you just love being with others.

I’m in awe of how all four of you live. All four of you are actively engaged at your churches; all four of you reach a multitude of generations; all four of you encourage your families in meaningful ways; all four of you love with Christ’s love.

The next four generations are blessed because of the life you all live, and the legacy you’ve worked hard to leave for us. And the evidence can be proven.

You have set the bar high, challenging me to work harder, love larger, and faithfully obey so that one day, my great grandkids will carry on the legacy you left in me.

You are loved beyond measure.

Love your grateful granddaughter.

Madison

Madison’s Question to Matthew: What lessons about leadership did you learn in 2018?

What a great question. And, as someone who likes to reflect, it was good to have this question put before me to ponder. Some of these items are simply validations of things I knew but were emphasized again. Others become even more entrenched in my beliefs about leadership. So, in no particular order, here is what I thought of with respect to leadership looking back on 2018.

1) Keep asking for commitment, it’s not your job to say no for someone. How important this is. Far too often, in speaking with others about who we should approach for a certain task, they assume that the person we are considering will say no and then give the reason they believe the person will give. I don’t know why we choose to respond for someone who isn’t even in the room. Our role as leaders is to select who be believe is best suited for a role, ask them to take it on, and then let them decide whether or not to do it.

2) Make the tough decisions, it’s the leader’s job. Scary at times, yet always true. A leader is a leader to make decisions. To choose one path over another. To decide to stop doing something. To allocate resources into areas to fulfill a vision and as such choose not to fund something else. To know when someone needs to be moved out of a role and make that happen, to not let fear guide your decisions. Everyone has ideas and opinions, only leaders have the strength to make the final call.

3) There is a big difference between management and leadership. This relates in some ways to point 2. Many managers like to think of themselves as leaders, when in reality they are managers. They are critically important for any organization. However, a manager is ensuring a specific aspect of the mission is being implemented – they have been given the box to work in, the boundaries, now they implement. Yes, there are aspects of leadership within that, yet too often people want to use the title of leadership but not carry the weight of leadership. Perhaps I’m slicing hairs – in my mind, there is a difference.

4) Visionary, versus Operator versus Processor – I read an amazing book in 2018 called The Synergist. In it, the author outlined the three types of people in any organization – Visionaries, Operators, and Processors. All are needed to make an organization last and flourish, yet each person needs to be fully aware of their tendencies. Additionally, he argued that everyone needs to become a Synergist – to put the needs of the organization ahead of their tendencies, recognizing that there are opportunities for all three types to play a role. It gave me new language to engage with my team and an understanding of some next steps for us to move forward. I highly recommend this book for all leaders.

5) Engage veteran leaders in retirement. This has been a fun new initiative for me. I am in conversation with a number of retirees and soon to be retirees who want to work at our church, 1-3 days a week. They don’t need to be paid, but want to bring their skills developed during their career to enhance the life of the church. How amazing these conversations have been with one person already coming on staff. As a leader, I need to be open to all means to accomplish the mission set before us. Think “outside the box”.

6) You will always be misunderstood – get used to it. Stating the obvious for many leaders. This goes along with point 2. Yet I need to keep reminding myself of this. Every decision I make will enthrall some and disappoint others, it’s the nature of leadership. I have given vision presentations during a service and I’ll receive accolades from some and disappointed emails from others. Do what you believe you are called to do and let the chips fall where they may.

7) Always love, don’t let bitterness get a hold of you in any way. This relates to 6. I can only control my response. In the past I have let bitterness creep in. It is no fun. In 2018, more often than not, I have allowed myself to love and care for those who are frustrated and angry with me. I assume that they are really good people, that their frustration comes from another place, not me. I try to learn what I can, but choose to think the best of them and show them love as best as they will allow me to. It makes all the difference.

8) Decisions that you implement sometimes take a lot of time to see the fruit. In 2018 I was able to experience the beauty of this. Decisions I was called on to make in 2016 are now showing the results, and the results are good. But to wait 18-24 months to see the benefits of a decision can be painful. And you can second guess the decision as it takes time to gain momentum. During the time of waiting, you need to continually remind yourself that you made the correct decision based on the information you had available at that time. Trust your insight, and trust that God was guiding you in the process.

8) When you have momentum, it is a lot of fun to lead. Wow, is this the truth. I am privileged to be leading in a season of momentum. It took us 3+ years to get here, but we are here. The key will be to not rest in this season but to continue to lean into it. Yet it sure is fun when you can see the blessings of past decisions that have led to this particular season. The team is engaged and excited, their confidence is high, and the church is feeling like they are growing and making a difference.

So, that is what I have learned about leadership looking back on 2018. How about you?

For the kingdom.