Matthew’s Question to Madison: You have mentioned a desire to be mentored. Describe that person as best you can, and how you believe that relationship could go? What topics would you like to engage with them?

Mentorship is one of those topics that the majority of people would agree is a valuable thing – and many have experienced the fruit of ‘having a mentor’. If you Google ‘mentoring’, you’ll discover lots of articles about the importance of it, and some stats indicating the positive outcomes of it.

“Mentoring creates meaningful connections that can positively impact the lives of both mentor and mentee. Those who receive mentorship are more likely to see improved academic, social, and economic prospects. Those who mentor are able to further build important leadership, management, and creative skills, while giving back to their community” (MENTOR: The National Mentoring Partnership)

Mentoring is a beautiful thing. It’s relationship building and accountability led by someone with a certain skill or more life experience. It’s the sharing of passions and learnings, and both parties grow in significant ways.

Discipleship takes mentorship one step deeper and includes the spiritual component. The purpose is to grow together to become more and more like Jesus through Scripture studies and prayer, while implementing the learnings in all areas of life.

For myself, I have a handful of people that I would consider ‘mentors’ in an informal way; and I have another handful of friendships that are rooted with the same purpose as discipleship that is also in an informal environment. And I love that!

Yet, I’ve always wanted someone that would disciple me in a more formal, structured way.

“So go get one,” you may be saying to the screen.

I have unfortunately found it to be more difficult than I would have expected it to be. Many are fearful of stepping into a ‘discipler’ role, believing they don’t have it all figured out. Others have never been mentored themselves so it becomes a foreign concept to them.

And I do admit that I do have expectations for that relationship which limit the pool of people I’d ask.

Let me express with you what I dream of for a discipling relationship, and maybe that will spur on some understanding of what it could look like – and maybe dispel the fear and hesitation some may have with the idea of being discipled or being the discipler.

1) Active Presence

It’s one thing to talk life, and a whole other thing to do life. I’ve been a youth leader for the past eight years, and my co-leaders and I discovered that our relationships with our girls took on a whole new level when we entered into their lives – watched sports games, attended graduations, took them out for lunch during the school day.

I desire the same thing. It’s harder to have to explain a situation to someone that they’ve never seen for themselves, but if they’ve seen it with their own eyes, there’s an emotional and intellectual understanding that doesn’t have to be explained.

2) Models a Faith-filled Life

Conversations about faith can be much more natural with someone who’s actively living it out on a daily basis. What are you reading in Scripture? What situations did you encounter that you caught yourself applying Christ-like characteristics? Where did you see God move? How has God answered a prayer?

I never want my spiritual life to become stagnant. But reflecting on the times it has, I notice that in those moments I was starved of faith-filled conversations with others that led to accountability, new thoughts and ideas, and positive emotional kindling.

3) Speaks Truth

I’m someone who would rather you say to me, “Hey, that was a prideful comment”. I’m a deeply sinful human who wishes with everything she’s got that she could attain perfection. But alas, that will never happen on this side of heaven. For me, having someone call me on a sin is helpful to keep me in check, confess my sins, receive forgiveness, and learn for the next time.

These are comments though that not just anyone could make to me. You need to know my heart and understand my inner workings. “Truth in love” can only come when ‘love’ has been established and received through things like encouragement and an emotional connection. These are all natural results of a discipleship relationships.

4) Common Passions

For myself, I have a heart for the next generation and for at-risk kids and youth. I’ve found that conversations with those who share that same passion and mission focus are natural and life-giving. In a discipleship relationship, I need someone who ‘gets it’ in order to integrate faith into the real life situations I encounter.

Common interests and passions also increase chemistry in the relationship. It allows you to talk about a variety of topics, and maintain interest in one another’s lives. (Might sound odd to say, but truthfully there are some topics I can only handle for so long).

So there you have it – four things that I desire in a discipleship relationship.

Ultimately, someone has to take the initiative to start the relationship – if you’ve been waiting for a nudge to go ask someone, consider this the nudge. Trust that the Holy Spirit has put a name on your heart for a reason.

I personally have also been needing a nudge, so we can go ask together.