Matthew’s Question to Madison: Reflect on University friendships compared to being out of University. How has your view of friendship changed? What do you believe you will need in friendships going forward?

September is coming – as it always does every twelve months. Last September I was flying to live in Germany to attend a Bible School. Though I was technically going to school, I can’t really compare it to traditional formal education, so I’d say I’ve been out of school for a year and a half. But this is my first September out of school and being home and listening to lots of people prepare for the new school year.

Being a student and being a full time employee are two very different things. I used to hear people say this (when I was a student), and I’d think, “Really? I can’t imagine it being that different. Let’s just be friends”.

It’s very different. It’s a completely new stage of life, with new responsibilities, new schedules, new environments, and new friendships perhaps. And I’m just starting in it.

Let me be upfront and say I’m no expert at friendship. I’ve had my fair share of ruining friendships, and still don’t find it an easy task. If I’m being super honest, sometimes I find it to be the hardest task of all – tasks at work are easy to accomplish, but maintaining and initiating a strength-filled friendship can sometimes exhaust me. I admire people who are very natural with making friends.

With all that being said, I think friendships become harder when you leave school. As a student, you’re surrounded by peers all the time – in class, around campus, at home (if you live away from home). Most universities and colleges feel like mini cities within a bigger city and the entire population are young adults. In that kind of environment, the pool of friend options is massive. And the bonus is that everyone has the common interest of education.

As an employee, the age of my co-workers has increased. I’m fortunate to work somewhere where the leadership enjoys creating a younger staff, so there are a number of us in our twenties and early thirties, and that is balanced out with a group of baby boomer and gen x staff.

But it’s still different than the university lifestyle. We spend our days together, but then have personal lives outside of work. The other difference is that we have a more structured lifestyle with a 40-hour a week responsibility.

So now that I’m in this stage of life, I’ve already noticed a difference going forward with friendships.

I can no longer partake in conversations like, “what classes are you taking?”, “what’s your schedule?”, “ready for exam season?”. My life involves meetings, emails, planning, people, implementing, managing, offices, driving, envisioning, fears, and full days – that last longer than 8 months.

The more I’m around leaders who have ‘been there done that’, I want to glean from them what they’ve learned that maybe I could learn for myself now without having to make the same mistake later. Many have expressed the importance of solid friendships – those people who know you intimately and can encourage, listen, and challenge through many seasons of life.

As I was thinking about this blog, I started thinking about different Bible characters who had strong friendships. The first one that jumped to mind was Jonathan and David. (My nephew’s name is Jonathan, and my brother told me he always loved that name because of the strong bond those two had). Jonathan and David had great trust in one another, and openly communicated the joys and sorrows; they shared a mission, and pursued it wholeheartedly together; they sought the Lord in all things together; they were loyal to one another through mistakes; and they cheered each other on.

Another example is the friendship and brotherhood between Moses and Aaron. They also shared a mission and passionately pursued it together. I’m sure they continually pushed each other to greater heights, kept each other accountable, and encouraged each other since they were on a mission to free millions of people (easy, right?). They needed to be on their A game, and we need other people to keep us at our best. They balanced each others strengths and weaknesses, most famously the fact that Aaron did the communicating since that was a weakness for Moses.

A while ago, I worked with a lady named Rachel, and we ran children’s ministry together for a year. We complimented each other perfectly. She loved planning small group activities, I loved the large group portion; she loved the behind the scenes work, I loved to lead upfront; she had the creativity, and I implemented her creativity. To this day, Rachel and I still talk about how well we worked together – our strengths and weaknesses balanced each other out.

The other commonality between those examples is the fact that each friendship worked toward a common goal – and not all are tangible, but simply spiritual. My greatest friendships thus far have been ones where we share a common mission (again, not all tangible, but spiritual).

Proverbs 27:17 famously shares, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another”.

As I go forward with friendships, and figuring out what that means in this new stage of life, I know for a fact that I look for friends to share a vision, and to sharpen one another’s character along the journey.