It’s not weird to have conversations about the generations in our house.

“How to we bridge the gap between generations?”

“How do we raise up the next generation?”

“How do we inspire seniors to not just retire to the golf course?”

These conversations frequently leave me feeling either energized and excited at all the possibilities of what could happen, or it can cause me to feel frustrated that there is still so much not happening. I guess it just all depends on where the conversation goes.

This week dad asked me as a millennial to speak to people 20+ years older than me. I don’t want to speak on behalf of my entire generation since I’m only one person and I know there are many perspectives out there, so I’ll share some stories from my life, but at the same time I’ll also share some ideas that I’ll generalize to my entire generation knowing that I’m not the only one who believes them.

And before you close the tab thinking that this is just another blog telling the ‘older’ generations that they’re failing, please keep reading.

I won’t deny the fact that older generations are failing the younger generations. But the younger generations are also failing. I guess that’s the result of living is a fallen world.

Now that we’ve got that cleared up, let me tell you a story that isn’t about failure.

There’s a lady at our church – in fact she’s on the elder board because she’s that cool – and a few years ago we were talking at church about adventure stuff (hiking, skiing, and the likes). I believe it was winter at the time since we started talking about cross country skiing.

“I’ve never cross country skied,” I said.

“What size are your feet?” she responded.

“Seven.”

“My daughter has a pair of boots the same size and she’s not using them. I’ll take you out.”

So we set a date and time. She picked me up at home, skies tucked in the trunk, and we drove off to the Fanshawe trails. Getting the skies on was tricky business, but eventually we were gliding our way through the snow – and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t fall. Multiple times.

Guess what happened the next winter? We went cross country skiing. And the year after that? Cross country skiing.

And then in the summer, we would go on walks along the Fanshawe trails. We’d just talk. She’d ask me questions about life. I’d ask questions about her life. (Refer back to “The Art of Questioning” blog). We just enjoyed each other’s company.

The time commitment (which was not formal or even voiced) was a few times a year, along with seeing each other at church. It was casual. It was fun. It was deep. It was simple. It was based on one conversation discovering a common interest.

She took the initiative, and I brought the willingness. For me, I loved being known and acknowledged by her.

God created us to want to know and to be known, and for the younger generations, there’s something special about being seen and known by people who have walked through life longer than us. Sure, we love our peers because there’s so much more to relate to (baby boomers, I know there are things you just cannot relate to in how millennials live life), but, from conversations I’ve had with other people around my age, it’s like we’re desperately thirsty for guidance. We want someone to listen to what we’re going through and say, “I’ve been there. I understand. Here’s how I dealt with it.” Or “Have you thought about this perspective instead?” Speaking for myself, I would much rather have a conversation about something I’m dealing with with someone who will challenge my thinking, than with a peer who will pat my back or put wood on the fire.

Here’s another story for you. I have another friend who’s exactly 20 years older than me, and even though she lives an hour and a half away, I’ll still visit her multiple times a year. For one, she’s just fun to be around, but also, she unknowingly spiritually pours into me. We don’t have a formal Bible study or sit down across the table from each other with an agenda and list of questions to go through – it’s all how she lives. She loves the Lord so much it oozes out in every conversation we have, and she also willingly lets me in on what she’s been thinking about. And when I share life things with her, she doesn’t hesitate to give a Biblical perspective or a word of prayer. Her passion for God is contagious, and I always leave her place with a brighter fire for Him as well.

I met this friend when she was a youth leader when I was in youth – she wasn’t even my leader, but we would chat each week. When we both left youth the year after, she would invite me over to her house to eat dinner with her family, I’d babysit her kids, eventually I went on a two week trip out east with her family – I felt part of the family. I kept going back (even now that they live further away) because, one, they’re an awesome family, but I’m also hungry to learn from her faith.

So to the generations older than me, it’s not complicated to journey life with the younger generation. It starts with a conversation, and acknowledging our existence. Sometimes millennials and gen. z-ers are intimidating to you (we’re quite aware of it, actually), and the statistics claim that we are a hopeless cause for humanity. But that label has unfortunately put distance between our generations.

We need you.

And you need us.

The first couple decades in this world are scary. Do I dare talk about the psychological and physiological changes that happen on the regular? It’s comforting to have someone who’s been through it to walk the journey with you, to support you, to challenge you, to tell you that you will make it.

Here’s an action step for those who are 20+ years older than me. Take your shaking knees and pounding heart across the room to a high school student/university student/young adult (you can even start with someone you know a bit) and acknowledge their existence by looking them in the eye and talking to them. Take an interest in their life, and if you don’t understand something about their lifestyle, don’t shut them down – keep talking. Then say, “Hey, I’d love to take you out for coffee and hear more of your story.” Or if you’re like the first friend I mentioned, go cross country skiing (we have snow in April, so it’s still possible). Another idea could be to invite them over for dinner with your family, and have them help you make dinner – it was always less intimidating for me when I was able to help with something rather than sit and watch.

It doesn’t have to be formal – though don’t be scared to take that step to commit the next few years of your life to disciple them. Just let us know that you’re on our side, and you want us to be the best version of ourselves, and eventually the initiative to meet won’t be all on you. I’ve been fortunate enough to have many people generations ahead of me committing to standing in my court, and it hurts me to think of my peers who don’t have it since it’s been so impactful in my life – and all it took was cross country skiing once or twice a year, and invitations to dinner.