I formally studied psychology in school, but I love the topic so much that I often do research on my own. The human mind fascinates me, and the complexities of it are astounding. The day I got to hold a human brain in one of my classes was probably my favourite day in all four years of university. Some people think I’m weird, but let’s just say, this is how my brain functions.

In a very non-creepy way, when I talk to people, my mind is in the conversation, but I’m also trying to figure out what’s going on in the other person’s mind. Why did they say what said? Why are they doing what they’re doing? Why are they feeling the way they’re feeling? I try to connect all the dots, and I trust that this allows me to have a better understanding of the person I’m interacting with. I want to understand people – and part of the journey of understanding means that I have to be careful not to assume anything or fill in pieces of the puzzle that haven’t been given to me yet.

How do I attempt to get access to the puzzle pieces of one’s brain? Asking questions.

I love meeting someone new and asking questions about their life. I love sitting with good friends and digging deeper into their heart to understand how they tick. I love conversations with people who are going through struggles and asking them questions to help them process what’s going on. I love listening to good interviews and taking notes of what types of questions they ask.

Asking questions reveals a lot about people.

And people want to reveal themselves. We are wired to want to be known and to feel like we belong somewhere and to someone. The two extreme sides of personalities are that some people will naturally just express everything going on in their mind, and for others, it takes a lot more work and time to mine for the gold in their mind. Wherever you fit on the scale, I can almost guarantee that you enjoy it when someone (even if it’s just one specific person) takes interest in your life and asks questions that go beyond the surface.

Humans are like icebergs – 10% of yourself is revealed to the common person, 90% is hidden below the surface. That 90% is, in my mind, the gold I want to dig for.

Asking questions is a form of art, but I’m beginning to believe that it’s becoming a lost art. As I interact with people, I’m noticing a trend that people have no idea how to ask questions. They are quite skilled in talking about themselves, or other people. Often times there is a genuine interest in wanting to get to know others, but getting below the surface is a struggle. Like any art, learning to ask questions is messy and frustrating, but the effort pays off when the recipient of your questions gets a boost of feeling loved – and when anyone feels loved and acknowledged, they can continue on their day with more confidence and appreciation.