As you engage in the discipling process, take note of the conversations that are taking place. Over the years I’ve discovered a couple of different types of conversations that are a distraction and that seldom lead to any life change. It is important that you address these for the benefit of everyone.

 

“They” Syndrome People – These are people who generally talk about the world at large, they talk about how “people” do this or that, and can’t seem to or don’t want to make it applicable for themselves. If you are talking about sin, they might say that “people don’t want to admit when they are wrong” or “I have an uncle who …”, seldom can they look at themselves and name a sin that they struggle with. If you are talking about the importance of scripture they might say that “it is important that people the bible, and the church should use the bible more during services” but won’t talk about the practicalities of their own experience reading scripture and what they need to do next in order to make it a reality in their lives. Unless there is applicability for someone’s life that they can articulate, there can’t be life change. I need to “take the plank out of my own eye, and then I’ll see clearly to remove the speck from my brother’s eye.” Matthew 7

Off topic People – These people always have another conversation they want to engage in, seldom the topic that is on the agenda. At times it seems as though they feel smart by bringing up other questions that they are thinking about or that they heard someone else engaging in. And yet, as the leader, you are taking people on a journey of growth, and constantly being distracted by random questions will never fulfill the greater purpose. In no way am I saying to ignore the questions that people have about life issues they are working through, yet perhaps these questions will get answered over time as they enter into the discipling relationship. I’ve found that the “off topic” questions people ask are seldom that pressing that they can’t wait for them to be answered. Often times, as their relationship with Jesus grows, these questions become less important and often irrelevant. And honestly, continually taking rabbit trails based on the whims of someone’s questions seldom leads to long term growth.

My father tells the story of a friend he went to bible school with. This friend always had another agenda. When the class was studying Ephesians, his friend spent his time studying Isaiah, when the class looked at church history, he was distracted by apologetics. Needless to say, he never did graduate and has never gained any traction in life.

At some point, those you are leading will need to trust you and the journey you are taking them on. If they have another agenda to pursue, perhaps connecting with you isn’t the right thing for them.